Matchplay Update | Friday 11/07/25

Hi all.
Due to various unforeseen circumstances it has become clear that a discussion & vote is required to decide some guidelines for future games. We have come up with some ideas (below), which you can read & see if you’re in agreement. We’ll have a chat sat about it, but if you’re not there & have any thoughts let me know.

1st Thing is to bring back the time frame when a match play game has to be played either at a society game or away from the society.

2nd Thing is if a player forfits there game at any round of the competition the other player goes straight through.

3rd Thing if the matchplay has not been played by the allotted time frame the player who has attended the most fixture from when the last round was played will go through to the next round.

4th Thing is if both players have attended the same amout of games then the count back rule will apply to the previous rounds played. Or the captain can choose to extend the allotted time for both players to be able to play their fixture.

Tnx Paul

It's crazy golf innit | Sunday 22/06/25

Still trying to work out if Ross’s meltdown in the matchplay was more Arsenal or Newcastle—but honestly, it deserves its own tragic category. Bloke's arse completely fell out, then doubled down by crying into his pint over his handicap being (rightfully) chopped. Turns out it was only his 7th card, so he perked up sharpish. Arse bandit behaviour of the highest order. 

Lee Rogers finally turned up and absolutely mullered Perton for 44 points. Fair play, big man. And he stills hates the place. Some people.

Not much else of note… Lee’s voice has gone a bit rogue, Sam Cain still needs permission to have a pint, and Jimmy is—unsurprisingly—still Jimmy. The first two are fine. The third, well, we’ve all just gotta live with it.

Cya laters chaps (and Ross).
C

The wipeout at the Welcombe | Tuesday 13/05/25

So, because this is the modern world and I'm just plain lazy. I've pointed Ai at some of my previous newsletters, given it some key pieces of information and it's produced the following. Not quite as insulting to Jimmy as I'd like but fairly decent.

So enjoy and I take no responsibilty for the following.

What a day. What a venue. What a shambles.

The sun was cracking the flags, the greens were rolling like glass, and somewhere beneath the blazing heat and scent of Lynx Africa, golf sort of happened. We descended upon the Welcombe like the classy, organised society we pretend to be — and as usual, left a trail of chaos, confusion, and emotional damage in our wake.

Let’s start with the big headline: Jimmy won.
Yes, that’s right. Jimmy. 38 points. And despite this miraculous victory, the man still managed to cock up one of the easiest jobs going — checking Ross’s card. Now, I know what you're thinking: surely Jimmy, fresh from a morale-boosting win, would take a moment to help the new lad? Well he did — he just did it badly. Top marks on the golf, zero marks on basic admin.

Elsewhere on the battlefield:

• Ross pipped Scott by a hole — a tight match that probably came down to who hated the sun more.

• Craig battered Mick O'Connor 5&3, and reports suggest Mick is still on the 14th fairway trying to figure out what happened.

• Tom took Clark apart 6&4 — some say Clark was last seen googling “how to break a putter in half discreetly”.

• Steve bullied Shaun 4&3, though sources close to the Shaun camp claim the heatstroke defence is being considered.

As for poor John Hodge, well… 17 points. Seventeen. Not a typo. One-seven. There are street names with more points than that. It was less a round of golf and more a guided tour of rural Warwickshire with emotional trauma baked in.

In summary:

• Jimmy's won but still incompetent.

• Ross tried to do the right thing but backed the wrong horse.

• John Hodge is going into witness protection.

• And we continue to set the bar for chaotic mediocrity at some of the finest venues in the Midlands.

Good work lads. We'll meet West Midlands to disappoint our ancestors again.

Cheers,
C

It was almost perfect. Almost | Tuesday 15/04/25

There was a great deal of peer pressure being applied post match on Sunday for me to include some sly digs at our bluenose members in this post but I'm going to resist doing this as I've got far too much respect for our bin dipping friends. I'm not doing it. KRO fellas.

Surely this was a perfect weekend of sporting activity with Rory and myself winning (one being important and the other some comedy event in America).

In other news there was only one incorrect card this time around, mine. Yes, I'm a twat, yes, I've deducted myself a point and yes, you can all do one. What can I say? I'd spent 5 hours bog trotting with Mick O'Connor and that takes it toll both physically and mentally.

Doubt we'll see anyone wearing claret and blue at the Vale and while they're at Wembley apparently the city is ours. We can do some right damage once we get past the bin bags.

Peace out gents,
C

Woker of the week. | Sunday 23/03/25

Well, there was a lot to takeaway from yesterday's season opener but mainly was the fact that it was like a shit version of Friends Reunited.

In what should a concern to all of us is that there appears to be some attempt by the Harrisons and Rogers of this world to take over the society from within, on the plus side is that the new guys appear to be far more personable than the scummers who we've had to endure for years now. Swings. Roundabouts.

Right, lets just get on with it. Jimmy H is a twat. Not only did he forget the nearest pins causing much consternation and disruption to all of our concentration. He also forgot to bring the money for them causing much consternation to Steve Fuller. Swings. Roundabouts. No excuses Jimbo and don't try to blame Wrafterman, we know what happened.

Normally I'd be listing out the runners and riders at this stage but we all know what occurred yesterday and in another takeaway moment, and I quote Mr Butlin, "Jimmy got slapped about by the society bandit". You there to WIN Jimmy not to 'protect' your score on the 18th by taking a 7 iron off the tee. This is a move not even Mr Lowe would stoop to and it's obviously bullshit as we all know you've got no more clue as to where your 7 irons going than you do for any of your bats. So park your woke ideas, its not about taking part. Poor poor form.

In other news Wayne got slapped about by the society mullet. Absolutely classic! Wayne got beat by a man with half his head missing.

And WTF with the cards! Clark, Ross, James & Dave Field, Wayne, John and Wrafter all got their cards wrong and I couldn't even read Tom's. It's not hard is it? C'mon lads do me a favour and spend 30 seconds checking your cards please. Just 30 seconds, unless Tony Doyle is involved and then it could be a bit longer.

Anyway, love you Jimmy. Thanks for stepping up.

Laters,
C